Go Left

That's the latest slogan, for those of you not familiar with our marketing. It's part of this whole...revamping of our jeans movement that has been going on since early summer. It started with different fits and new categories. And now, we're urged to go left, little green or white or blue arrows pointing the way. And I realized today, as I folded what could possibly have been my one millionth pair of jeans, that this is exactly what my life has been doing: going left.

The other day I read an article (while drunk) that Michelle had sent me over Yahoo! Messenger. The gist was that our jeans were once classic and basic and fit the mold of a certain age group. But now they've gone all cool with different fits and newer styles and even going on to ripped/distressed jeans. The author of the article didn't approve. But we don't care about that. The basic point is that what was once something familiar, standard, and just....there has been completely turned upside down. And now we're forced to relearn and readjust with misguided labels and vague categories. The jeans suddenly betray us.

For those of you not familiar with our jeans...well, I'll try to break it down as simply as I can. Let's start with men's. Okay: Boot Fit, Loose Boot Fit, Straight Fit, Loose Straight Fit, Easy Fit, and Worker. Not too bad, not too confusing. But, see, Relaxed fit and Standard fit made a merger which became the new Straight fit. This hasn't made too many men happy. And what was formerly Loose fit is now Loose Straight, and Relaxed Boot Fit was rechristened Loose Boot Fit and the prefix of Low Rise was permanently removed from Boot Fit, but they're still Low Rise. This is something you're just supposed to know.

Women's is where it gets messy. Instead of the five or six basic styles, they've gone and created categories for different body types. Novel idea, yes. Execution? F minus minus. We got Curvy, Original, and Straight. No, not straight LEG, but straight....at the hips and waist. I repeat that at least 30 to 40 times a week. Then you have Curvy Flare and Boot Cut, all of which are low rise. Then Original Long and Lean, Low Rise Flare, Boot Cut, Boy Cut...and I'm sure I'm missing some. And then Straight Boot Cut, Boy Cut, and Flare. Oh, and of course, the mostly ignored Ultra Low Rise fits. But we don't care about those.

Now just think about it. You don't constantly shop for jeans, and last time you did was before early summer, and you come in for a fresh pair, expecting what you normally would find. And BAM. Monkeys. You got all this shit all over the place, with all these labels which, granted, will easily confuse you because how the fuck are you supposed to know any better? It's getting to the point where even I, who work there, am getting confused and can no longer keep all the jeans straight in my head. And I'm a Denim Specialist.

So I'm standing there, folding a pair of Curvy Flare in God knows what wash cause they no longer put the names on the label and I realize...this is my life. This is what has happened. I knew what I was about. I understood myself, my life....and despite the chaos, I knew. I could look at everything and make sense of it. It fit just right. And suddenly, really without warning, it's all changed. The fit just isn't the same, the names are different, and things I'd LIKE to know are no longer labeled. My life has gone left, with very little explanation.

And what's UP with this left weave thing? How does that even work? Basically, the jeans (not all, only certain washes and for a limited time) are woven to the left. The denim itself, the fabric, is woven to the left. End result? Softer, worn-in-feeling jeans. What I don't get is the mechanics behind it. How does weaving denim to the left somehow change its entire make up, producing softer jeans? What the hell does that do? I don't know, but it seems to work. Though I wish I knew. I wish I could understand what's going on, so maybe, for a second, I could get a grasp of my reality and possibly work with it. Understanding, though rare it may be, can be rather crucial to my happiness. But no, the arrows just continue pointing left, guiding me on some unknown path. One can only hope it'll work itself out in the end. But by then there will be no more left weave, no more little arrows....and what then? What will guide me at that point?

Monkeys? Which haven't stopped by the way. It's more frequent now, and more in public. They've followed me to work, showing up in balloons and stuffed animals. Online, in comments people who don't know about the Monkeys make. In this damn apartment in obscure corners. Still haven't figured out what it means. Maybe the arrows....

And the wall, the denim wall, which I endlessly fold. That's my life there. I fold and fold, each pair sized and shaped perfectly, but it's so futile in the end. People come by, they touch and prode and poke and suddenly my life is out of whack. Now it's not always malicious. It's just the way it goes. People just have that effect on you. They step into your life, look around, see what's there. They say they're just looking....with their hands no less. And sometimes, the wall just messes up while your back is turned. You step away for two effing seconds and when you come back it's like Hurricane Katrina blew by. And no one in sight to blame. Life, like the wall, just goes to shit while you're looking the other way. And yet I go back to folding, with much less enthusiasm. At this point I'm not even trying. Mostly I'm just fluffing, making it look decent so that from afar you won't notice it's really half-assed.

So I pull out one pair that's rolled up into a ball. I'm certain a customer did this. Only a customer would be so careless. I snap it open and it's the Long and Lean Crosshatch Rinse size 20 XL that's been floating around since late October. We have a few of these...not this exact pair or style. I mean, we have a few of these odd jeans roaming about. You get to know them, and you smile every time you randomly pick them up. It's like seeing an old friend and being surprised that they're still around. Don't worry, someday someone will come by and take you home. It's only a matter of time.

I feel like these jeans sometimes. Perhaps we all do. There's nothing inherently wrong with them, they're just...too unique. Too different. And will only fit a very specific sort of customer. So they linger, making it to the sales floor and being stuffed back into the stock room, only to come back out again. You parade them about, showing whichever employee or manager is around to get a laugh out of them. Comments are made, all in good fun, and back they go to sit on a shelf, unnoticed. This happens with men's jeans too. There's a pair of 44 by 32 bouncing about. Holding it up I discovered that I could fit two of me in them. One me in each pant leg.

But I'd have to say that I identify with Men's Easy Fit the most. They're too mature for the overall feeling of the store. The other jeans just look down at them, their cool washes and trendy rips snearing. But the Easy Fit, they get looked at, tried on, but are still somewhat hidden on a low standing table topped with button down shirts. They're not the easiest to spot, and definitely not the most popular. And really, in the end, old men are the only ones who really seem to like them.