Lick The Light Switch

That's what the Brass Monkey said to Jaye when she wanted answers. Why do the animals talk to her? Why is she the only one that sees and hears them talk? The Wax Lion told her to ask the Monkey. He would tell her. So she breaks into the therapist's office and asks him why. He looks at her, calm and holding the book in his hand and he says.....Lick the light switch.

I guess that's really when it started......the monkey thing. It seems to be a bit more important than I had thought. I hope you're comfy....this may take a while.

You should watch Wonderfalls. It's a great show. But you'll have to get it on DVD cause it's no longer on the air, which is rather sad. But inanimate animals talk to this female...she's bitter, retail worker, and these animals tell her to do things. Ultimately, through the confusion and chaos her actions wreak, she ends up helping people. It's easy to see why I'd enjoy the show. The Brass Monkey ended up being one of my favorite characters. He's a bookend.....a monkey sitting, in the Thinker position, holding an open book in his hand. Looking at it now, very appropriate actually.

So I met this guy, we'll call him Art. It ties in with his job nicely. So Art, he messaged me on Myspace, which just happens to be the Devil's Playground. That place is so evil. I was a bit hesitant at first....he's a 36 year old guy randomly messaging me, wanting to talk and be friends. Hmm, me thinks someone is trying to get into my pants. This was back in the beginning of December, right as we were packing up the whole house and getting ready to move. This was back when things between Cyborg and I were okay. His profile intrigues me though.......a photographer and art dealer in NYC. Hmm. So, I give it a shot. Why not?

Turns out Art is pretty cool. Just from the first phone conversation I can feel the zest and energy that's there. He's fun, he talks...he's funny. I was pleased. But still, hesitant.

So we move along.....to.....hmm.....after New Year's Eve. Yes, the third of January. I go meet Art at his place. We joke about the dangers.....should I bring a weapon, a change of clothes, the monkey? He said the weapon wouldn't be necessary, I would probably end up in no clothes, and sure, the monkey is welcome.

Meeting him was fun. I had a great time and.....well, sigh, the sexual tension was up the ass. And after having been so long since even touching a guy in any way....well, there's no need to say anymore. NOTHING happened though, despite how much we both wanted something to happen. He was honest....telling me we should only be friends because there's sort of someone else in the picture. He was vague about it and didn't offer much information, but that was cool. I did laugh though. ANY reason but THAT would have been acceptable. But no....they always like someone else.

The physical affection that night left me wanting...big time. So in comes SHO. I see him that very night online. I tell him to make himself free that Sunday cause I'm coming to Philly. And thusly, I did. Interesting though, what happened. This is the guy I was terribly in love with during my college time. And even afterwards really. I guess I kept holding on to the dream that someday.....And so I arrive in Philly. It's been nearly two years since I've seen him. I go to the hotel he was at and the elevator door opens, and there's nothing there. I felt nothing. Suddenly I didn't want anything from him....sexually I should say. It was such a strange revelation. It left me feeling out of place, but in a good way. It's like suddenly I was free, free from that past that clung to me and wouldn't let me move on. I was finally over him in every possible way, and now that part of my past, that story, was over.

The weekend was okay. Mostly drawn out silences during all meals and activities. There was some.....you can't even call it sex. We didn't even get up to oral.....and honestly it felt rather mechanical. In a way it still feels like it's been a year and a half since I've gone without. Anyway, that Sunday we end up at the zoo. Most of the animals aren't around since it's winter, but some remain and others are housed in indoor pens and stuff. And this is where Monkey makes another appearance, one that makes him more prominent in my life.

I found him in the Small Mammals House. Randomly looking around and there he is. This tiny little thing....about three inches tall. I swear it would fit in my hand. The Marmoset. One of the tiniest monkeys ever. This three inch little thing is fully grown, a complete adult. And it sits there, on this branch, a maggot squirming in his hand and he looks at me. Then proceeds to bite one end of the maggot, then looking back. The cutest thing EVER. I completely fell in love. That was honestly the most exciting part about the weekend. A few hours later...I'm on the train coming home.

I find a picture of a baby Marmoset online that week. And oh the hilarity. It's so small, its little hands literally wrapping around someone's thumb. It's so adorable. I share this with all my friends, they just HAVE to see it. I use this as my avatar picture on Yahoo messenger and AIM. And that week...at work, while endlessly bored, ideas come to mind. Characters, a plot......a new novel.

That Thursday, the 12th, Cyborg shows up online. He messages me. He somewhat explains his disappearance, but I'm conflicted. Do I want this to start again? It requires some thought.

Friday the 13th I end up not working. Slow business means cut hours. No worries, I go see Art. Again, great time. He's so much fun. And the tension is once again there. Le sigh. He tells me more about this other guy, pausing the movie Batman Begins, which I'll have to see again because of numerous distractions. His guy....he lives in Mexico. He's afraid to tell me this because he fears I won't understand and think him a fool. I don't. In fact, I sympathize. I tell him this. I tell him about the Canadian and how I held on to that dream for a few years. Six and half years later....well, we'll get to that part later.

So I understand, and out of respect for him, his guy, and his dream to have his romantic fairy tale......I keep my hands to myself. Just because my love life is shit doesn't mean I have to go ruin it for others. We remain friends, which I'm very happy with. But I'll have to say, I will miss the affection. But it's okay. Thinking about it, he helped me. He helped ease the turmoil of what was going on with Cyborg. He shifted the focus from Cyborg to himself.....and then cutting the cord so quickly....the focus was shifted again back to me. So that was actually a great thing to happen. No feelings for anyone, and I'm fine.

So I print out a picture of the baby Marmoset, whom I've named Pepe. I tape him to the inside of my locker at work to bring me smiles every time I open it. More people see him and comment. How I love my Pepe.

So Cyborg and I talk again. I'm not sure how I feel anymore about him. I mean, I don't hate him, but...at the same time, it's really not the same. I don't mind so much not talking to him for days. In a way, I don't mind so much him not being around at all. I adjusted. But whatever, we talk. Maybe there's a friendship that could be salvaged. That Thursday night the Canadian comes on. We speak when he's not busy with work and life. And it starts out as a casual conversation, all good and happy. Then I mention Cyborg's return. And it all goes downhill. He thinks I'm stupid for letting him back into my life. I tell him I don't have feelings anymore and that I have things under control. To him, I don't. To him, it's just another SHO part 2. And I get pissed off, and say harsh things. So does he. He gives it right back. So, after six and a half years of friendship....things are looking grim. I really think a part of our friendship was damaged and I'm not so sure that can be worked out. Sigh, with my moods these days, the blahness and restlessness.....I almost don't care. We'll see. I'm currently avoiding speaking to him, I just need some time to get over it.

So the new novel develops much more in my head. I have more characters, I have a theme arising. It all takes place on a rich tapestry of the world of retail....but it's all about spirituality. Different ways of it and how people go about it. It's about these characters, mostly living meager or mediocre lives, and how suddenly things change. How spirituality forces itself into their lives and changes all. And Pepe becomes a part of it. I like adding animal characters, they keep things fun and you can do so much with them. Pepe becomes a catalyst for the events surrounding the characters. It just comes to me. He'll be, in a way, responsible for the changes. He causes the small, unnoticed random events that cause chain reactions affecting all others. And so I wonder, who IS this Monkey anway?

Research. The Monkey is actually quite popular in Chinese/Buddhist mythology. Apparently he was a type of god. Very innocent and mischievous. He's the trickster. He's the one that starts chain reactions, affecting others around him. INTERESTING. Also, he's wise, he has knowledge about the how and why of life. He's loyal and a hero according to the myths. There's so much to him....so much lore. But the trickster always remains, the one behind the scenes, the one causing the "chaos" that shapes us.

Tarot is an element in this new novel. Chapters will be titled according to the 22 Major Arcana, but I remember. A new deck I had seen: Tarot of the New Vision. It's the standard Rider-Waite Tarot....same images and all, except all the pictures have been turned 180 degrees. You see the backside of it all. I feel this is too perfect, it fits so greatly with the feel of my novel. So out I rush and buy the deck. I feel it would be useful to have it with me. And holy crap. The Magician. He's card number 1. He resembles the creative force. Our skills and initiative applied in the physical world to create what we desire. Look him up....he stands there, holding up a wand, his other hand pointing to the ground. He stands behind a table cluttered with ritual tools. But in this deck....you see him from behind. You see a crowd in front of him, watching on. And behind his red robe.....you see a monkey. He squats there, gently tugging at an end of the Magician's robe....and he looks back at you. Now come on!! The symbolism there, the meaning.....who's behind the scenes? Who's influence is there that you aren't aware of? Sure, you're creating, but who is really calling the shots??

And now he's everywhere. Hot Stuff texts me yesterday during lunch. OMG I'm watching Judging Amy and the monkey (the brass one) is on it!

Another friend eerily divulges an obsession with all simians years ago.

A trailer for Curious George just happens to play in the movies.

He's everywhere. He's all around, and I notice it now. His energy is always there, that trickster that knows more than we do....the one who creates the random events that ultimately change our lives.

And I guess to my problems, my restlessness. My need to understand what to do.....how to go about my life. What can I do to improve it? Maybe if I find the right light switch, and give it a lick, maybe then he'll tell me.