Reasons For Living.

Been a while...

There's an overall sense lately that things are just falling into place. It's comforting....yet strange. I like strange. I've been doing what Life has asked of me, and have been up on helping others. Nothing really major though. No suicide prevention, no drug detox...nothing like that. It's mostly just been small things, but the small things matter. The little things that hurt us or make us smile and just change our perspective on life.

Love seems to be in the air....or the lack of it. Some are breaking up and some are finding others. I find it interesting seeing how so many of the people at work are going through similar situations....or how their situations interact in ways they aren't aware of. I am, however, cause they all tell me. But, no, I'm not the type to spread rumors and divulge their private matters, so don't ask.

I had dinner with Michelle tonight, which was great. I needed it. I haven't really hung out with her in a while, nor have we been talking much at work or even online. So I was missing that. Dinner made up for it. We had fun conversations and then went window shopping. We stopped at Banana Republic to check on a shirt I've been dying to get, but am waiting for it to go on sale. Michelle was stating how there's a guy that works there whom she thinks is totally hot and all that.

She wonders if he's there.....and then we see him. She grabs my arm and nearly gasps, saying it's him there! He walks by, glacing over, and he seems familiar...not sure why though. Then as we wander to the Petites section, it dawns on me. Shit! That's the guy that had come into the store about a week ago. He wanted this coat we have in large so I checked on the register and it said we had like 17 of them. I said yeah, it's there so I can put it on hold. He gave me his name and I went to the back to go fetch it. Well, stupid register, there were NONE. I couldn't find the coat at all. Only in black and not in the light tan he wanted. I ran back out to let him know, but he was already gone. I felt so bad....and suddenly I felt worse. I'm sure he recognized me...and he knows Michelle cause she's helped him at our store a few times. I couldn't help but feel he was thinking I was a jerk for what happened.

So I tell her, I know his name. She flips out!! Again grabbing at me. We wander around and she's all gushing about how cute he is. At one point we see him again, across a table with sweaters on it. And as we are looking at some shirts he comes over and asks us if we need help. It's so funny. We both froze!! And it took a second or two before I said: No, thanks, we're just looking. Then as we're walking away, she asks, just as I'm thinking it: He's gay, isn't he? I had to stop and just laugh. It was the pitch and intonation of his voice....it just came off as gay. And we both completely pickd up on it. But we're not sure! We discussed it over and over as we continued to shop, and were trying to come up with elaborate schemes to figure it out. It's so great.

The rest of the night was fun...we looked for boots and things. Then I got the bus and all that. The walk home was great. For the first time in forever I felt...whole. There was just a sense of completion, of togetherness. Suddenly I just felt connected to everything. It's so great. I just feel like things are okay and will be okay. It's comforting, and I needed that. It was so nice out too, and the leaves falling and the deep pink clouds gliding past the deep velvet of the sky.....it just made it all so much better. I feel happy tonight. And I like that.

Reasons for living never come cheap,
But even your best ones can put me to sleep.
What I am saying or trying to say
Is that there must be a better way.
Even my wonder, even my fear
Only amount to a couple of tears.
There is a rhythm, it's near and it's far
It flows through the heart of us.